getting settled

Shawn and I are "title" into our new house. Our couch gets delivered today. Whoo-hoo! I think mom and dad are going to come over tonight. Hopefully they'll bring food. We have none yet. Still need to go grocery shopping. Then again, we don't have any plates or forks, etc. Anyway - I brought Ari home last night. She was pretty scared. She hid for about an hour, then found my room. She stayed in there all night, snuggling with my legs. Then she started knocking stuff off my dresser to wake me up. Punk.
Alright - break time is almost over.

I'll post pics once we get it all coordinated.

Moving Day

Shawn and I move into our house in TWO DAYS! Shawn's going to get as much done as he can while I'm at work on Friday. And then Saturday we have a Uhaul and will move all the big stuff. And on Sunday we'll be sorting through all the crap we have stored at mom and dad's house and hopefully...throwing a bunch of stuff out. Have I mentioned that I'm excited?

Lea is no longer moving in with us. She has decided to stay in California. Shawn and I were going to look for a third roommate, and still might have to...BUT...Shawn is going to start building computers and selling them. So, hopefully that will generate enough income to pay for a third of the rent. Yeah, that would rock for real.

Christmas has been awesome this year. There's been a lot of Rook played and lots of laughs with the family. I know they'll be sad when we move out - but they'll be coming over a lot. And they have to get their house ready to sell too. It's actually been really great living with them. I was able to save some cash (and pay my bills). But it's time to move out and move on.

Shawn and I are going to start trying churches once we get moved in. We're going to try to find somewhere that has the same theological views as we do. But...that might be difficult. Honestly, I just want to find a church family who will love me like Northside does. The Church of God and I differ on one subject, but I know I am still loved (by most people). The only thing that concerns me is how I will be accepted (or not) in a new church, not hiding my sexuality. And don't worry I'm not flaunting it either. No rainbow stickers for me right now. I am just happy to know how God made me, that He loves me, and that He has a plan for my life.

I don't really know what that plan is right now, but I am looking forward to the adventure in figuring it out. I miss teaching. I miss my young adults. I miss music. I miss leading worship. I miss Northside. And I hope they miss me.

I'll post pics of the house once we get it all in order. Ya'll know my odd sense of fashion, so it should be pretty interesting.

Oh - and I bought a vacuum. SOOOO excited about that. I left my vacuum with Connie (hers had broken) and I miss it terribly. So, I bought a Dyson! Check it out:

Ok - that's all I got for now. Love you!

My first home...kinda

Shawn and I signed the lease on our house today. We are looking for a third roommate! So if you live in the hampton roads area (or want to move there) and want somewhere to live for $600/month (utilities included), and have good credit...let us know!

We are both totally excited. I love my new kitchen. Too bad I hate to cook. Maybe I'll learn to love it. Or at least try. Anyway - we need furniture. So, if you know of any free stuff, or good deals...tell us! We have a huge back yard and will be having cookouts in the summer. And after our housewarming party, our first big shindig will be a SUPERBOWL PARTY. Shawn has a HUGE screen and projector. And will have a ping pong table by then as well. It'll be good times.

Anyway - this is just one more major change in my life. Not sure how much more I can take before I go completely bonkers. All the changes in my life are good, but so darn stressful. I just took a few of those stress factor tests about life events, etc. I scored over 300 on all of them. This means I am extremely stressed and have a high susceptibility to stress-related illness. Oy. But, it could always be worse, right?

When I awake...

Have you ever had something on your mind so much that it takes over EVERYTHING? It seems like no matter what I do, I still think about it. Sure, there are tried and true ways to "change your mind"...and think about something else. But they involve imbibing certain liquids and/or ingesting a creativity-birthing substance. Neither of which I am willing to do. So...I think. And I think. And it's starting to hurt.
And it's really not something I should be thinking about. It's not productive. It's not helpful in any way. I have tried to combat it by filling my head with the exact opposite thoughts. But it's not working so well. It's hard for me to make myself feel a certain way. Although I know it's best to just move on.
So, I ask for help. I ask God to take my mind somewhere else. And do you know where He takes me? To thoughts of the woman I want to be. Loving, honest, open, accepting, challenging, inspiring, hopeful, fun, loyal and servant-minded. Being this type of woman does not involve obsessing over something of which I have no control.

I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.
I will not obsess.

Lea bought me a magnet that says what's above - for our fridge. She knows me a little too well. Did I mention...LEA'S COMING TO LIVE WITH ME!!!!!

email...

So, my gmail account (which I use to sign into this blog) is revsmorgan@gmail.com. I'm not a rev anymore. The email address I use for everything else is pastorshannon@hotmail.com. Some may say I'm not a pastor anymore, because I'm not recognized by a church body. But, I am still a pastor.
The revocation of my credentials will not prevent me from fulfilling the role God has for me. Although my role has changed a little bit. And just to quelch any fears that I am going to preach the "gay agenda" - give me a break. There is no "gay agenda." Gay people are just like straight people. Please don't stereotype us. We aren't trying to make everyone in the world gay. We aren't trying to destroy marriage. Straight people do a good enough job of that on their own. What I will be preaching is God's agenda...love. And love unconditionally. I believe God has a plan and purpose for EVERY single person. I believe He created us each uniquely to fit together and work as the body of Christ in this world. There are people who don't believe anyone loves them, let alone a God that some people say hates them. So I will preach and seek to live a life of love.
This will not stop my ministry. It will just change it a little. And I'm getting quite used to change.

I am no longer ordained in the Church of God. I realize they had no choice but to revoke my credentials, given my position on homosexuality. But, it still hurts. That's all for now.

House and Church Hunting

For the past couple of days my brother and I have been looking for houses to rent, since LEA IS COMING TO LIVE WITH US!!!!! My brother fell in love with one house...and I'm thinking that's the one we'll go for...cause he's kinda stubborn that way. Anyhoo - it's a pretty darn awesome house. I've been reworking my budget so I can afford it. It's good times. Since Lea and I both have motorcycles I probably won't want to sell mine anymore - no one wants it at this time of year anyway. But - I may end up having to - who knows?
Anyway - this was a spectacular weekend. I got to talk to Alicia and she finds out if it's a boy or girl this week! Bad news though...Big Boy had to be put to sleep. But he was like 15 years old, and his name no longer made sense since he lost like 20 pounds. So sad...he was a sweetie.
I should find out this week what will happen with my credentials. I'm positive they'll remove them, or ask me to surrender them. The process is the only thing I want to know about.
I talked to Dana for ten minutes yesterday. It was the longest conversation we've had since the divorce. It was kinda normal...not exactly sure why. Maybe cause I came out.
Anyway - I chose a church off the internet to try this past Sunday. It was a United Church of Christ. So, I go just in time for the service, walk in, and realize...I am the only white person there. I haven't been to a black church since Dana's grandpa's funeral. It was awesome! I got hugs and handshakes and about 25-30 people told me they were glad I was there. And about 5 asked me to make sure and come back. I felt welcome there. I desperately want to find a church home. I don't think it will be at the UCC, but once Lea gets here, we are all going to look for a church to go to. A Christian, loving, liberal church. And yes, Shawn said he will go. That would rock.
My break is almost over, so I may finish up later. Or this may be all you get...relish it.

for the first time...

in a long time...I feel happy.

I walked out my door this morning at 7:25am and it was snowing! And it was gorgeous! It continued to snow and when I got to work, it was actually sticking on the ground. Then it went away. And at lunch time - it was snowing bucket loads! It was amazing. Me and a couple girls went out and frolicked in it. So much fun.

Shawn and I are going to drive around Chesapeake tomorrow and check out houses for rent. Have I mentioned that LEA IS COMING TO LIVE WITH ME!!!!! And my brother too, by default. I can't tell you all how much it will help to have a friend here. It's been hard for me to make friends - crazy, huh? I just go to work and come home and play guitar. I went to a church that I really like and will be going back to - so I am hoping to make friends there. But it's awkward to make friends at work - and difficult to have meaningful friendships there.

Anyway - today I am happy. Thank you God, for the snow.

i got better (in a british accent)

So, my brother and I went to see Spam-a-lot last week. Huh-larious! I wasn't sure what to expect. And right before it started I admitted to Shawn (said brother) that I had never, in fact, seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail all the way through. Sure, I have seen all the main parts, e.g. The Knights who say Ni, the Black Knight, the Three Questions, etc. So, after he scolded me thoroughly I got to see a crazy Broadway play that actually rocked. They added in this character called, "Lady of the Water," and she killed it...in a good way. And we all ended with the chorus from the end of the Life of Brian.

"Always look on the bright side of life..." (whistling)

As I have been sitting these past couple of days, wallowing in self pity, I haven't done much whistling. So, today I have decided to whistle...much to the dismay of my co-workers. Alright - well, maybe I'm not really whistling. But I am trying to whistle on the inside. I won't find out until the end of next week whatever decision they made about my credentials. I hate waiting. I don't even know why I am nervous. I know what will happen. I just want to read it and have it be final...so I can move on.

Anyway...this has been a friendly reminder to ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!

rejection...

is no fun.

To be rejected by people you love is very hurtful.

Being rejected by people you don't love isn't as bad...but it still hurts.

The negative effects of these last few months are catching up with me. The unconditional love and acceptance I have felt from some of my friends and family has been enough to get me through to this point.

But right now...it doesn't seem like it's enough to quelch the pain.

Sorry...no positive ending for this post. Just don't feel like it.

confidence

I recently realized I have way too much confidence. I think I'm a great person. I'm smart, funny, and quite unique. I'm honestly a great catch. I am loyal, thoughtful and caring. These are truly great qualities- but I tend to take them to the extreme. I'm loyal (to the point of stupidity), I'm thoughtful (to the point of moron-ocity) and I care about people (way too much).

Nobody wants to be someone who annoys people. Nobody wants to be clingy or needy. But I am...we all are.

As humans, we all have this built-in need to be loved. Just as God is in Himself a relational being, so is His creation. We are all made to be loved and to love in return.

The cool thing is, we are loved fully and completely by God. We don't "need" anyone else's love. But we crave it. And that craving can either lead us to complete satisfaction or utter destruction. It all depends on where the love comes from. If love is an expression coming from the reality of God's love for you - it will bring you more satisfaction than anything but God Himself. If love comes from the part of us that doesn't know God's love - it will bring more destruction than hell itself.

I'm aiming for the satisfaction. How bout you?

Don't forget to...

VOTE!!!!!

Normality…what a concept.

I am not normal, nor was I made to be
This human shell which covers, the living, breathing me
Shows whoever watches, the inner workings of
Insanity, defiantly, multiplied by love

My wishes sometimes go, beyond my crazy self
To have a normal life…friends, family, health
Would seem to be a goal, one would wish to have
To be piece of a whole, or even just a half

Of what our modern culture, deems to be okay
To open up my mouth and scream that “I am gay!”
Would that make any difference, would anybody see?
What it means, how it feels, to act-ually be me?

I tried hard to conform, to standards set before me
I sacrificed, I hid my self, ignored and cursed my feelings
And yet they never changed, if only they would have…
To not have had to tell, my family…mom…and dad

“Hey, guess what? I am gay.” And hope that they would not
Be like all the others and live as they’ve been taught
To ostracize the different, to illuminate the truth
By spotlighting the darkness, and showing them the proof

That who they are is wrong, that how they feel is sin
That in order to be loved, they just have to give in
To what the Bible “says,” no matter what it meant
At the time when it was written, before it was in print

You must obey the word, the living sword of God
Don’t look too close at what, the author’s intent was
Take it as it is, and we’ll take you as you are
As long as you don’t live it out, or take our grace too far

If grace can go too far, how can it really be...
Grace? The free gift of God, for everyone, for me?
To love without condition, to live without remorse
To not just fall in line, is to carve out my own course

And live as I was born, to be JUST AS I AM
A child of God, loved, forgiven,
To just be simply…
Shan

I'm out ya'll...

I recently visited Jacksonville for the purpose of coming out to all my friends face to face. If somehow I missed you - I apologize. I have come out to the credentials committee of the Church of God as well. A copy of the letter is below. If you guys have any questions, please feel free to ask.

To the Credentials Committee of the Church of God:

I am writing today for two reasons. First, I have recently received notification that my ordination is now official, and I want to thank you for bestowing this honor upon me. It has been a long road and I have worked very hard to ensure I will be a good representative of Christ and the Church of God. Second, I am writing to make you aware of a recent development in my life. For the past few years I have been studying a particular theological issue and have come to the conclusion my previous beliefs were misaligned. It is my understanding that the Church of God believes homosexuality, and its practice, to be a sin. I no longer believe this to be true. I do not believe the Church of God has treated the biblical passages on this issue, as they treat other passages. For example, Paul’s view on women speaking in the church, when taken literally, would prevent my ordination on the basis of gender. However, the Church of God Reformation Movement has chosen to interpret the scripture through the culture for which it was intended and has thus ordained women since inception. I believe the same needs to happen for the biblical passages dealing with homosexuality. It is not my intent to write a treatise on the subject as this point. My purpose for writing today is to make my theological position known to the committee. However, as a starting point I will direct you to “What the Bible Really Says About Homosexuality,” by Daniel Helminiak, Ph.D., “Jesus, the Bible and Homosexuality,” by Jack Rogers, and “The Augmented Third Edition of the New Oxford Annotated Bible,” NRSV.

I feel I must also make the reason for my study of this issue known. If it were not for my personal experience I would have taken it for granted that the scripture is to be interpreted literally on the subject of homosexuality. However, my life experience and relationship with God have taught me otherwise. I have known since I was five years old, when I accepted Christ as Savior, what it means to be a Christian. I have also known since the age of 13 that I am attracted to women. Because I have grown up in the Church of God I have been taught homosexuality is sin. So, I treated my attraction as sin. I denied it, I ignored it, I cursed it, and I rejected it. I asked for forgiveness, cleansing, and begged God to take the feelings from me. I prayed, I read Scripture, and I fasted multiple times. Yet my attraction remained. So, I continued to ignore it and prayed for strength to be a straight woman. As you know, I even denied it to the point of getting married to a man. I honestly did love Dana with all my heart and if it weren’t for his choices I would have stayed by his side forever. However, since he did not choose to work things out, I found myself alone with God. After the divorce, my feelings seemed to magnify as I found myself completely free. My struggle became more pronounced. The trauma of the separation and divorce forced me to deal with the issue I had been pushing away for 12 years.

At this point I started to see a professional counselor. My ordination interview was coming up and I did not want to go through with it knowing how I felt, and also knowing the position of the Church of God. I did not want to hide anything from the committee. At this point I was still struggling to reconcile my faith and my feelings. As my counselor and I worked through some of these issues, I decided to go through with the interview. Ordination in the Church of God has been a goal of mine for quite some time. I know I am called to ministry, and the Church of God is where my heart lives. I am proud to call myself a Church of God minister. But I need to be completely real about who I am.

I am gay. It is not by choice. If I believed there was any way to rid myself of this, I would. I have tried it all. I have tried ex-gay ministries, I have tried complete ignorance, and I have tried complete surrender. This is who I am. This is who God created me to be. I know He loves me, just as I am. And I believe that I was made this way for a purpose. The damage, which has been done to the homosexual community in the name of God, is sinful. Gay people feel judged, condemned, and damned to hell without even stepping foot in a church. And some believe God feels the same way about them as the church does. If something is not done, they will never have the opportunity to know His love. And, everyone, regardless of sexual orientation, is loved fully by God. It is our responsibility as Christians and as ministers to show the love of God to the gay community. I believe I am called to minister to all God’s children, including those who have been rejected by “well-meaning” churches.

I know how it feels to be afraid of who you are, and afraid of how you feel. I know how it feels to believe you cannot be gay and a Christian. For a long time I believed I had two choices. I could either continue in ministry and not be gay, or I could be gay and leave the ministry. I was unable to reconcile the two. As I studied the Scripture and attempted to understand, I also stopped talking to God. Since He is the ultimate authority on matters of morality, I was afraid if I talked to Him He would reject me. I believed He would convict me and be disappointed in me. So, I did not speak to God for over a year. When I started seeing the counselor the first thing she told me to do was talk to God. When I did, I heard these words clearly, “Just let me hold you.” I felt God’s love and acceptance. As the Holy Spirit and I have worked through interpreting scripture and grown in our relationship, I now believe being a gay Christian is not a contradiction. These three things I know to be true. I am a Christian. I am gay. And I am called to ministry.

I do not know what the outcome of this letter will be. My inclination is to believe the committee will vote to retract my ordination. I hope this is not true. I am still the same person you interviewed and have known all these years. I am the same person you have entrusted with the title Reverend. It is still my intention to minister within the Church of God Reformation Movement. However, I will be ministering as God has made me. I can no longer deny who God has created me to be. I do not believe it is a sin to be gay. I do not believe it is a sin for me to be in a relationship. I do not believe this is inconsistent with the teachings of Jesus Christ or other clear teachings in the New Testament. If it is the position of the committee that to be gay is sin, then I will gladly give up my ordination and seek to minister elsewhere. I ask that you receive this letter with open hearts and minds. As written, in “Our Beliefs,” on the Church of God website:

“There is room for differences of opinion in the fellowship. Perfect agreement on minute details of doctrine and practice is not required. An open mind and an open heart are characteristic of a vital group of Christians.”

I look forward to a response from the committee with a prayerful heart,

Rev. Shannon Morgan

Two more...

days til I see Jacksonville again. I am excited and feeling a bit trepidacious! Yeah...that's a 10 pointer. But I'll be glad to be there. And get all the hugs I can.

One Week...

One week until I am in Jacksonville!

Can I just say...I'm excited?

And I'm so glad I get to go to church on Wednesday and Sunday. Hopefully I'll have the chance to see everyone.

Not much else is happening...just waiting for the trip.

Later!

JACKSONVILLE...HERE I COME!!!!!

Hey ya'll...I'm coming to Jacksonville for a visit. I will be there October 22nd through the 27th. Just in time for Wednesday night church and I leave on Monday morning...not bad, eh?

So...don't make any plans to go anywhere. Make sure you are in Jax when I am. Or I'll have to hunt you down. Yay! I am so excited.

I can't wait to see your faces!

First half day on the phones!

Today is our (see subject line).

Starting on Monday we will be on the phones full time for 8 weeks. Then we will be in Processing Training where we will be processing applications, investments and all sorts of goodies. Sometime early next year I will stop being a trainee...but I'm sure I'll continue to learn all sorts of good stuff.

This weekend should be pretty awesome. I'm psyched about it. I'm supposed to hang out with some new friends of mine. And the weather is absolutely gorgeous. It's crisp outside, and you can smell fall coming. Love it!

I miss Jacksonville. Not sure if I mentioned that lately. Ha.

But I'm also not sure I've mentioned how stinking happy I am. Well...I'm pretty darn happy. But beyond that...I am full of joy, and love.

I hope it overflows into your lives today.

HUGS!!!!!

NEWS!!!!!

I am NOW an officially ordained minister in the Church of God!!!!!

are you ready?

Hey ya'll. To my peeps in Jax:
I just want you to know how much I love you. I wish I could come see you more often. Or that you could all come see me! You could rent a beach house here in Virginia Beach and we could all jam out! Anyway...just wanted to update and let you all know what's up with me.
I am really happy. I love my job and I am meeting new people. My family is great to me and I am doing well living here.
I gotta go cause my training test is starting. I love you!
Shan

oy vey...

Hey ya'll.

Pray for me.

Pray with me.

Pray for yourselves.

Pray for open minds and grace-filled hearts.

Pray for love to overshadow everything.

Pray for peace and direction.

I love you all.

Shan

wow

Hello everyone!

I just wanted to jump on here real quick and let you know that life is good. I am happier than I have been in a really long time.

The reason?

God and I are chummy. I'm talking to Him every day (totally recommend it) and I know He is leading me where He wants me.

It's still a scary road - with a lot of possible hurt in the future. But I am confident I am loved and have been created as I am for a reason.

How cool is that?

I want you all to know that God loves you just as you are. And I love you all too.

you want me to WHAT on labor day?

Ok...so, I got a little story.

I washed and waxed my car on Saturday - it's gorgeous. Then I went to pull my motorcycle out of the garage to wash and wax it too. And I still had my wet flip flops on. I slipped. The bike started to fall over towards the wall. My finger got trapped between the handle bar and a shovel. It was there for almost two minutes. I yelled for help. I couldn't move my feet or my finger without risking a worse injury. My dad finally heard me and came running. He pulled the bike off my finger. Oddly enough, it was the crooked finger which I broke when I was 13 or so. It felt like I broke it again - but it was only badly dented in. It has since healed and I am now using it to type. Pretty sweet.

Tomorrow I have my funds test. We have had to memorize thiry nine fund names, initials and numbers. And the names are super long, e.g. Limited term tax-exempt bond fund of america. They will give us a blank sheet of paper and we have to write them all. I got it down. I was out to lunch today and telling a friend about the upcoming test. A girl at the table next to us heard me and asked if I work for American Funds. I said yeah and she continued to tell me I work for the best mutual funds company out there. I think she's right.

I told my manager I would like to get into training. I think I would make an excellent trainer. It suits my personality. We'll see how it goes. I am still enjoying my job - and tomorrow is jeans day. I'm super stoked about that one!

I miss Jacksonville - and I miss my friends. But I am glad to be here. My brother and I got to hang out today. And my whole family played rook tonight for a couple hours. Good times. Dad and I are going to start working out together.

It's past time for bed now. I'll check ya'll later!

far fig newt in

So...has anyone noticed I love using these "..." ? Hmm...too bad I can't add them into my speech pattern. You know...for emphasis. I guess I could poke the air three times in a row. Or maybe I could start saying, "dot, dot, dot." I will try one or the other tomorrow.
Training is still going well - for those of you who want to know. I am enjoying myself. I realize that "Shannon" and "mutual funds" don't really mix well. As someone said on my facebook page today, "I never saw you as the business type." Yeah, well...me either. But I gotta pay the bills somehow.
Lea is looking at loans for houses out in Cali. And Wicked is leaving LA in January of next year! Phooey. That's all I have to say about that. I still want to go see it in New York.
I am going to try to make it to Jacksonville for a visit in December or January. I would like to have my ordination service then as well. We'll see.
I still miss all my friends. But I have come out of the funk I was in for the last few weeks. There's so much possibility in the air. It's scary - but soooo cool. I definitely want to squeeze all I can out of this life. I've crossed a few things off my "bucket list." I don't actually have one. But if I did...I would have crossed these off:

Tour Europe
Jump out of a perfectly good airplane
Travel around the US...singing and playing guitar
Own a super fantastic, expensive guitar
Be in a band
Own a motorcycle
Graduate college
Get a tattoo
Be thanked on cd liner notes for a kick butt band
Go on a cruise (to the Bahamas)
Hear other people singing my songs (when they didn't know I written them)
Be completely and utterly open and honest with someone
Get married
Have sex
Get divorced

Ok...that last one wouldn't have really been on there. But...it's pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. Although I would have done anything possible to make it work. One person just isn't enough when it comes to marriage. I think that's why there are usually two people. Hmm. Yeah.

Well...I've led a decently awesome life so far. And I still have a good ways to go. I'll add a few more things to the list that I have yet to accomplish:

Get my master's degree
Get ordained (soooo close)
See a Broadway show - on Broadway (preferrably Wicked)
Go to Hawaii
Make a cd of original songs
Pay off all my debt
Meet Josh Groban (whoops...already did that one. Thanks Lea!)
Write a book
See God face to face

That last one can wait a while though. I need time to do all the others. I'm pretty sure I'd have to be dead to see God's face. But, hey - if you wanna show me while I'm alive - bring it on. Oh - and can I hear your voice too? That'd be freaking sweet. For reals. Sorry...tangent.

Man...I love you guys. Whoever reads this (all three of you) - know that you are the best. And if you chuckled at least once during this post...my work here is done.

All my love,

Shan

mocking...bird

...yeah. so...today my training class took 4 hours of mock calls. This is when trainers (and their lovely assistants) call us and pretend to be Shareholders. They come up with the most convoluted requests and we do part of the job we are training for. I did pretty dang good today. I'm real comfortable on the phone since I have 6 months phone experience. And I'm a fast learner, so I am good with the information. Plus...I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it. This is only the first half of our training...which will last until November. The second part is where we learn processing. Processing includes everything to do with maintaining a mutual fund. Transfers, redemptions, exchanges, requests for SOI's, TOA's...etc. And if you don't know what those stand for...it's cool. Neither did I at first. The good thing is...you don't have to ever hear them again.

I, on the other hand, have to hear them every day. And it's pretty cool. I am learning a lot about investing. Hopefully it will help me make some good decisions with my own retirement. Plus I get to buy mutual funds at wholesale value - which pretty much rocks.

I have been watching the Olympics every morning. I am too tired to stay up and watch, so I record it and fast forward through the boring parts while I eat breakfast. It's a good routine. Nastia and Shawn killed it! I was so happy for them. I actually teared up. And Phelps is just freaking amazing. I like watching track and field too. Gymnastics remains my favorite though...because I was the bomb at tumbling when I was 8. Well...maybe not. But I was the headstand champion every week! For real...I was. I could stay on my head for like a minute straight. I tried it a couple years ago and found out the extra weight really makes a difference. Go figure.

Oh...and I'm totally excited that gas is $3.45 right now. Other than that...not much is happening. I still miss my friends. Ooh! I almost forgot...Kim tried out for American Idol!! I heard that she rocked it. And I am soooo proud of her for doing it. I am sure it was an amazing experience. The judges missed out on an awesome singer. Losers. Whitney tried out as well and she said she was happy with her performance. Go Whitney! I am proud of her too.

I love my cat. And God and I are having some good talks lately, especially today. It really helps to be completely and utterly honest with Him. Like I could hide anything anyway. But sometimes I hide things from myself. If you're a pray-er, I would appreciate any good word you could put in for me. I am trying really hard to listen to God, and get rid of distractions. There are a couple of things I really need/want to know the truth about. God's truth, not man's. Man is stupid. Sure would be nice if God was a genie and would just pop out of my cherry coke and talk to me face to face. Yeah...that would be great. But I guess that would just be like pushing the easy button. Sometimes I wish it existed.

I love you guys (except for you, you know who you are)...try to have a relaxing weekend.

Shan

phooey

hello.

my name is shannon.

i am sad.

i miss my friends.

but i have nothing to complain about. life is pretty darn good. i have a great job, wonderful friends (no matter how far away), an awesome family, a free place to stay, food to eat and a God who loves me still. God bless Him. Hmm...think about it.

yo...

Howdy ya'll.

I was sick yesterday and missed a day of training...which totally stinks. But, it turns out that I didn't really miss all that much. Which is super cool. And there was a potluck breakfast this morning as well. Yum.

I am eating lunch with my mom and her friends today at the Purple Cow...it should be yummy.

I am totally happy that Joshua won the SYTYCD Championship! I totally got into that show the last few weeks. It's a shame I can't dance anywhere except my room. But, rest assured...in my room - I'm the bomb.

I'm not sure what this weekend holds. I may go out and try to have some fun. Maybe I'll beach it up.

Sorry I don't have a super exciting life or anything theologically sound to wax about. But I'm happy. I guess that counts for something.

MA - I'm praying for you. Be safe on your trip - and focus on the excitement...but don't forget to grieve. It helps.

Much love to you all,
Shan

I'm not sure if anyone really reads this thing anymore. But...if you do, here's an update:

Training is going really well. I have made a couple friends and we have been able to hang out a good bit. I miss my Jax friends like crazy, but don't envy having to say goodbye to MaryAlice.

I'm known as the crazy, creative chick in training. What a surprise.

Not too much else is going on. Just kinda chillin in Virgillin. Yeah...I'm still a dork.

...

Yeah, so I know I suck at blogging.

Update:
Training is going very well. I am learning a lot and excited about the job. I've been hanging out with a couple girls from work. It's been fun. There's no one I really click with...like you all in Jax...yet. But I am having a good time.

Holy crap! I just got the Mouths of Lions cd...dang! I got stinking chills man! I am so proud of these guys. Seriously - my jaw dropped a couple times at the pure onslaught of metal and genius colliding. For real.

I was sick this past weekend, so I still haven't seen Batman yet. But I can't wait.

Not too much else is happening. I know I'm just at the beginning of training...but I think I'd make a great trainer. That may be what I pursue next. I made up a song today - for Class A mutual funds. Good times.

Alright - time for BBQ Chicken.

The retreat...

Before the retreat, on Thursday night, we went to Moon River Pizza (yum) and hung out with the boys as well as the girls. It was good times.

Friday, we got up and made 72 hot dogs and gave them out with chips and a coke to the homeless guys downtown. Then we had lunch in the park, and went to get pedicures. Good fun. We drove to Kissimmee and checked in.We rented a four bedroom town house in one of those time share like communities. It was huge and beautiful. Then we went grocery shopping and cooked dinner. Yum. We had our "opening ceremony" and Brandi led it. It was really good.
I measure success by the amount of tears and laughter. It was successful.

The next morning we went to the pool. They had a big water slide and a lazy river. Totally fun. Then we went back to the house and had small groups. We went out to dinner, and then came back. I led the night session. I had written a song. There were tears...success. The first night Brandi had us all write down what makes each person beautiful, and we all had our own sheet. SO, Sat. night I had us read them to each other and then the person had to look in the mirror and say, "I am beautiful." It was difficult for some of us. It is hard to believe we are beautiful when we've been calling ourselves ugly (inside and out) all our lives. But...God makes all things new...and all women inherently beautiful.
Sunday morning we got up and went to Wekiva Springs and went canoeing...so much fun. And we swam in the springs. We saw an alligator too...just a baby one. So cute. Then we went back to Orlando and saw a concert with Shane & Shane and Josh Wilson. Josh Wilson amazed me. He is such a great performer. And what he could do with that guitar - unbelievable. And God spoke to me through His lyrics too. Through the same song that Brandi put on our "Captivating" playlist. Here are the words:

Try and pretend that you're okay
But I don't believe the smile you fake
It's about time that you stopped saving face
I'll meet you where you are,
I'll meet you where you are

Why don't you let me, let me love you
Oh, you don't have to prove a thing
Why don't you let me, let me love you
For you who you are, not who you should be
Let me love youA
nd I will let you love me too

Why are you scared to tell the truth
What do you think you're gonna lose
You know we're forgiven, not accused
I'll meet you where you are,
I'll meet you where you are

Why don't you let me, let me love you
Oh, you don't have to prove a thing
Why don't you let me, let me love you
For you who you are, not who you should be
Let me love you
And I will let you love me


I am letting God love me...just as I am. And He's doing a pretty dang good job at it. You should try it...FR! It's FABO!

I am beautiful.

The Captivating retreat was amazing. I have so much to say - but am still recovering from the adventures we had! So - for now...just know - you are beautiful. God made you that way.

Home, sweet, home

I am flying to Jacksonville tomorrow. I get in at 5:10p and Kim is picking me up. I am so excited! I am packing today and getting ready.

For those who don't know - Captivating is a book my girls and I have been reading and studying. We/they have met every Sunday night for the past 12 weeks? Or something like that. I had to miss a few because I moved...but I am able to go to the final she-bang! We are spending the weekend in Kissimmee. I'm not really sure what we'll be doing, but whatever it is...it will be awesome! It sucks that I won't be able to see anyone else in Jacksonville...but I'll be back in November/December. And I should be staying for at least a week.

Training starts in two weeks. Whoo-hoo! Can't wait to start learning and stop laboring.

Oh - I saw Get Smart with Shawn last night. Dude...I have not laughed that hard at a movie in a looonng time. I used to watch the original show - and they used all the best props/dialogue from the show. And the Bush-isms...oh my gosh. I died. And I snorted a couple times. And I was drinking Cherry Coke...but not at the same time.

Alright - love you all. See some of you soon!

It's official!

I will be at the captivating retreat!!

How cool is that?! It also sucks though...cause Lea can't go...and that really bites. But I'm glad I get to be in Jacksonville again...Even though most of the weekend will be spent in Orlando. I really do feel like it's home. Crazy.

I got my time off squared away today.

Love you all...later

the weekend...

I am glad it's here. I am ready to start training. My hands hurt.

Shawn and I are supposed to go to King's Dominion tomorrow. It's just like King's Island - but in Richmond (VA not KY - sorry Todd's). It should be fun.

I bought my tickets for Jacksonville today. I am flying in on Thursday night and back on Monday morning. I haven't asked for time off yet - so it's still not set in stone. I can always use the tickets later if I need to. But - I am pretty sure they will let me have Monday off. Or at least a couple hours in the morning.

If I haven't mentioned it yet - I'm stoked!

...

So - I am pretty sure I will get to go to the Captivating Retreat on July 4th weekend!!

And I'm excited about it. Way excited.

why?

Why is no one commenting on my blog? I feel lonely.

Are ya'll still reading?

I know my life isn't exciting right now or anything. But I'd like to know if you think of me.

=(

hump day

Today is Wednesday. The days at work go by really fast. This is a good thing.

I sit and put together packets of information for brokers, so they can sell our mutual funds to their clients.

I have a lot of paper cuts...and my back hurts.

Other than that - it's not so bad.

Tomorrow I go in at 9:30 instead of 8:30 and get off at six. I worked an hour of overtime today. It's pretty sweet that I'm on salary - and I get paid for overtime. We also get our first of two annual bonuses on June 30th. Mine will be prorated (of course) and will probably only be $20. But it's better than nothing. The next one will be bigger.

I finally downloaded my sermon to the computer. It is missing a couple minutes because my camera kept shutting off every 11:57 minutes. Ridiculous. So - I'll type out what was missed. But tonight - I am going to go to bed. And continue to read Voyage of the Dawn Treader...for the 80 millionth time. It's the next in the series of Narnia movies. It's gonna rock. Man, I love Reepicheep. Too bad Lea doesn't have a shipmate like Reepicheep. Not that I know of anyway.

That's it for now...

love and miss you all

first day...

Today was orientation at my new job. It was good times. There was a lot of free food - so I was a happy camper/employee.

Tomorrow I start at the distribution center in Virginia Beach. Traffic might suck - I'm not sure yet. But I get to wear jeans for the next month. That's pretty exciting.

I'm looking forward to meeting new people. Although if I had my choice I'd simply move all of you up here too. If only I was a millionaire - and all of you had no lives or ambition other than to be my friend. Yeah...that'd be nice.

Ari is still adjusting. There's less hissing at Toby - and she's lurking around the house more. She's extra sweet to me. I actually bought her in Norfolk - and it was right after the separation. She was my solace. She literally kissed/licked my tears away.

Time for bed now. And maybe a little guitar.

my adventure

Well...here we are. Ari and I...in Virginia.

It was a long ride up. Dad and Ari rode in my car - she meowed for about a half an hour before calming down - not bad. We started out from Orlando at 6:30. Dad drove - I "rested my eyes."

We got to Jacksonville around 9. I finished packing my car with the guitars and got Ari ready for travel. I said goodbye to Connie and Angela, D.O.G. and Mickey...and Mishka. Poor Mishka. She will miss her playmate. And we will miss her.

Speaking about missing...I have cried more this past week than in the past year. My girls...(and the guys too) how I will miss them. I already do.

We started out from Jacksonville around 10 am. Dad drove my car and I rode my motorcycle. We stopped around every 150 miles so I could fill up my tank. After the second tank my butt went numb. It went away once I we stopped and I stood up. But after 20 minutes it came back in full force. The windshield was amazing - I would not have made it very far without it. The cruise control helped. My hands didn't cramp as much as they usually do.

It rained for a while. I stopped and put my rainsuit on. It was soooo hot! It kept me dry from the rain - but soaked me from the heat. Yuck.

No close calls with traffic or anything. A couple jerk drivers - but not too bad. We made it to Norfolk by 9:30 pm. I got a really bad burn on my right wrist. It's a combination of sun and wind burn in a four inch square. It's swollen - it hurts. Other than that - I am sore, my fingers are still a little numb...and I have some blisters. But I am alive. And we didn't have to stop anywhere.

We unpacked my car yesterday. I only have a couple more boxes to put away and I'll be finished with my room. The closet is about 1/3rd the size of what I had at Connie's. Bleh. But - who's complaining? There's no rent...and plenty of food. I'm good to go.

Shawn and I played the Wii last night. Bowling, tennis (I kicked butt in tennis), basketball and boxing. It was good times.

And of course the family played Rook. Mom and I got crushed. Of course...I kinda forgot she was my partner for one hand. And she forgot she called Green trump instead of Red. Good times.

I am thoroughly enjoying the banana bread made for me by Lea's grandma, Yvonne. It's almost gone. And no, I'm not sharing.

Ari is doing pretty well. There was some hissing at Toby yesterday - but she is starting to roam around the house. She even peeked her head upstairs.

I haven't checked it out yet - so I don't know if you can post videos on here. If not, I will post the video of my sermon on my thoughts blog.

It went well. 95% of the feedback I got was positive. The only "negative" feedback I got was just some questions that were left unanswered. Of course - I don't have all the answers...and the point was to make people think. So it's a good thing. I may post something about the unanswered questions later - but right now I am hungry - and going to go eat some more banana bread. Terri - thank Yvonne for me one more time!

Love you all.