email...

So, my gmail account (which I use to sign into this blog) is revsmorgan@gmail.com. I'm not a rev anymore. The email address I use for everything else is pastorshannon@hotmail.com. Some may say I'm not a pastor anymore, because I'm not recognized by a church body. But, I am still a pastor.
The revocation of my credentials will not prevent me from fulfilling the role God has for me. Although my role has changed a little bit. And just to quelch any fears that I am going to preach the "gay agenda" - give me a break. There is no "gay agenda." Gay people are just like straight people. Please don't stereotype us. We aren't trying to make everyone in the world gay. We aren't trying to destroy marriage. Straight people do a good enough job of that on their own. What I will be preaching is God's agenda...love. And love unconditionally. I believe God has a plan and purpose for EVERY single person. I believe He created us each uniquely to fit together and work as the body of Christ in this world. There are people who don't believe anyone loves them, let alone a God that some people say hates them. So I will preach and seek to live a life of love.
This will not stop my ministry. It will just change it a little. And I'm getting quite used to change.

I am no longer ordained in the Church of God. I realize they had no choice but to revoke my credentials, given my position on homosexuality. But, it still hurts. That's all for now.

House and Church Hunting

For the past couple of days my brother and I have been looking for houses to rent, since LEA IS COMING TO LIVE WITH US!!!!! My brother fell in love with one house...and I'm thinking that's the one we'll go for...cause he's kinda stubborn that way. Anyhoo - it's a pretty darn awesome house. I've been reworking my budget so I can afford it. It's good times. Since Lea and I both have motorcycles I probably won't want to sell mine anymore - no one wants it at this time of year anyway. But - I may end up having to - who knows?
Anyway - this was a spectacular weekend. I got to talk to Alicia and she finds out if it's a boy or girl this week! Bad news though...Big Boy had to be put to sleep. But he was like 15 years old, and his name no longer made sense since he lost like 20 pounds. So sad...he was a sweetie.
I should find out this week what will happen with my credentials. I'm positive they'll remove them, or ask me to surrender them. The process is the only thing I want to know about.
I talked to Dana for ten minutes yesterday. It was the longest conversation we've had since the divorce. It was kinda normal...not exactly sure why. Maybe cause I came out.
Anyway - I chose a church off the internet to try this past Sunday. It was a United Church of Christ. So, I go just in time for the service, walk in, and realize...I am the only white person there. I haven't been to a black church since Dana's grandpa's funeral. It was awesome! I got hugs and handshakes and about 25-30 people told me they were glad I was there. And about 5 asked me to make sure and come back. I felt welcome there. I desperately want to find a church home. I don't think it will be at the UCC, but once Lea gets here, we are all going to look for a church to go to. A Christian, loving, liberal church. And yes, Shawn said he will go. That would rock.
My break is almost over, so I may finish up later. Or this may be all you get...relish it.

for the first time...

in a long time...I feel happy.

I walked out my door this morning at 7:25am and it was snowing! And it was gorgeous! It continued to snow and when I got to work, it was actually sticking on the ground. Then it went away. And at lunch time - it was snowing bucket loads! It was amazing. Me and a couple girls went out and frolicked in it. So much fun.

Shawn and I are going to drive around Chesapeake tomorrow and check out houses for rent. Have I mentioned that LEA IS COMING TO LIVE WITH ME!!!!! And my brother too, by default. I can't tell you all how much it will help to have a friend here. It's been hard for me to make friends - crazy, huh? I just go to work and come home and play guitar. I went to a church that I really like and will be going back to - so I am hoping to make friends there. But it's awkward to make friends at work - and difficult to have meaningful friendships there.

Anyway - today I am happy. Thank you God, for the snow.

i got better (in a british accent)

So, my brother and I went to see Spam-a-lot last week. Huh-larious! I wasn't sure what to expect. And right before it started I admitted to Shawn (said brother) that I had never, in fact, seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail all the way through. Sure, I have seen all the main parts, e.g. The Knights who say Ni, the Black Knight, the Three Questions, etc. So, after he scolded me thoroughly I got to see a crazy Broadway play that actually rocked. They added in this character called, "Lady of the Water," and she killed it...in a good way. And we all ended with the chorus from the end of the Life of Brian.

"Always look on the bright side of life..." (whistling)

As I have been sitting these past couple of days, wallowing in self pity, I haven't done much whistling. So, today I have decided to whistle...much to the dismay of my co-workers. Alright - well, maybe I'm not really whistling. But I am trying to whistle on the inside. I won't find out until the end of next week whatever decision they made about my credentials. I hate waiting. I don't even know why I am nervous. I know what will happen. I just want to read it and have it be final...so I can move on.

Anyway...this has been a friendly reminder to ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!

rejection...

is no fun.

To be rejected by people you love is very hurtful.

Being rejected by people you don't love isn't as bad...but it still hurts.

The negative effects of these last few months are catching up with me. The unconditional love and acceptance I have felt from some of my friends and family has been enough to get me through to this point.

But right now...it doesn't seem like it's enough to quelch the pain.

Sorry...no positive ending for this post. Just don't feel like it.

confidence

I recently realized I have way too much confidence. I think I'm a great person. I'm smart, funny, and quite unique. I'm honestly a great catch. I am loyal, thoughtful and caring. These are truly great qualities- but I tend to take them to the extreme. I'm loyal (to the point of stupidity), I'm thoughtful (to the point of moron-ocity) and I care about people (way too much).

Nobody wants to be someone who annoys people. Nobody wants to be clingy or needy. But I am...we all are.

As humans, we all have this built-in need to be loved. Just as God is in Himself a relational being, so is His creation. We are all made to be loved and to love in return.

The cool thing is, we are loved fully and completely by God. We don't "need" anyone else's love. But we crave it. And that craving can either lead us to complete satisfaction or utter destruction. It all depends on where the love comes from. If love is an expression coming from the reality of God's love for you - it will bring you more satisfaction than anything but God Himself. If love comes from the part of us that doesn't know God's love - it will bring more destruction than hell itself.

I'm aiming for the satisfaction. How bout you?

Don't forget to...

VOTE!!!!!

Normality…what a concept.

I am not normal, nor was I made to be
This human shell which covers, the living, breathing me
Shows whoever watches, the inner workings of
Insanity, defiantly, multiplied by love

My wishes sometimes go, beyond my crazy self
To have a normal life…friends, family, health
Would seem to be a goal, one would wish to have
To be piece of a whole, or even just a half

Of what our modern culture, deems to be okay
To open up my mouth and scream that “I am gay!”
Would that make any difference, would anybody see?
What it means, how it feels, to act-ually be me?

I tried hard to conform, to standards set before me
I sacrificed, I hid my self, ignored and cursed my feelings
And yet they never changed, if only they would have…
To not have had to tell, my family…mom…and dad

“Hey, guess what? I am gay.” And hope that they would not
Be like all the others and live as they’ve been taught
To ostracize the different, to illuminate the truth
By spotlighting the darkness, and showing them the proof

That who they are is wrong, that how they feel is sin
That in order to be loved, they just have to give in
To what the Bible “says,” no matter what it meant
At the time when it was written, before it was in print

You must obey the word, the living sword of God
Don’t look too close at what, the author’s intent was
Take it as it is, and we’ll take you as you are
As long as you don’t live it out, or take our grace too far

If grace can go too far, how can it really be...
Grace? The free gift of God, for everyone, for me?
To love without condition, to live without remorse
To not just fall in line, is to carve out my own course

And live as I was born, to be JUST AS I AM
A child of God, loved, forgiven,
To just be simply…
Shan