for a friend

is it silly?
this rule.
Is it the remains of my teenage years?

Is it outdated?
This conviction.
Or does it just serve to calm my fears?

Where will this go?
What could this be?
Could he be the one?

How will I know?
How will he know?
or is it just innocent fun?

I made a promise
I'm sticking to it
Does that mean I'm a prude?

Or could it be
a part of me
which I will save for you

the one created
just for me
I will wait til then

against temptation
against the odds
with God's strength...I shall win



MA - I wrote this right after we talked on the phone. It was written quickly...and on post-its. It's definitely not good poetry, but you were on my mind. And this is what came out.

Whatever you decide...know this: God adores you. He has wonderful, creative ideas for your life. Keep talking to him...and He'll let you know what to do.

Much love.

4 minutes

I have four minutes before I start working. I am on my new schedule of 8:15am to 5:15pm. I get out of work a little later, and the traffic is a little worse. But not too shabby. I still get home in 25 minutes or less.

I get to double team with a couple of my new teammates this week. Double teaming is where I sit beside them and listen to them take phone calls...and hopefully learn something. There is SOOOO much to learn for this job...it's insanity. But I love learning. So, it works.

Lea comes to visit in three days! I am pretty happy about that. My mom is equally as happy. Can you believe my mom and Lea have never met? Hopefully we'll get to go to lunch together this week.

Alright, four minutes is up.

I made it!

Well...I made it to my new team. I made it through the "situation" and I am starting fresh. WHOO-HOO!!!!! I'm a little excited. Plus, I just had some coffee. I hope I'll get a chance to get to know my new co-workers. We have "Team Time" today, so I am hoping that will help.

Today my old team is having a baby shower for Michele! It's exciting. We get to eat pizza. I love pizza. And my new team brought breakfast this morning. Yum.

It is so nice to be removed from the "situation" and not have to be reminded of it constantly. I am hoping in the next couple of weeks I will stop thinking about it completely. How awesome would that be?

By the way, in case you didn't know - God rocks. Check out this post...http://www.sisterfriends-together.org/more-jesus-less-religion/ - it's so true. It's on a website for Christian lesbians. I used to think that term was an oxymoron. Not anymore. I really hope people don't forget who I am and just think of me as "gay" now. This has always been a part of me. It was just hidden. I am still the same crazy chick who loves God and people. And I'm still here for you if you need me.

back to work

Today I went "title."

I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe the feeling of dread which I have had in the pit of my stomach would be magically gone? And all would be well?

Not so much.

It's still here. But I'm hoping it goes away with my move to the new building.

Please, go away.

time off

I was off work last Thursday through Monday. I went to work on Tuesday. Now I'm off until Monday. And it's not because I planned a vacation. I haven't been doing well lately. HR is working with me, thank goodness. And they have allowed me this time off without penalty. Next week I am moving to a new team in a new building. And I am very happy about that. I am hoping it will allow me to have a fresh start.
I need a fresh start.